To identify as a Christian right now is difficult. I have done a lot of un-learning and re-learning about what it means to be a Christian since I’ve come to college, especially within this past year. So what does faith look like for me right now? (what does life look like, what does my humanity look like right now?) Well…
I love Jesus, and I know Jesus is on the side of the oppressed, the hopeless, the forgotten ones. God is love, God loves above all, God ushers creation into goodness.
I love beautiful churches but I know that God is present in nature or a homeless shelter just the same. I believe in the Eucharist (that we do not consume God but are consumed BY God when we partake in it). That God is a lot bigger and more unexpected than I originally believed. That prayer is a grace-filled posture toward life, not a remedy or something I am obligated to do a certain way “or else.” That God is in all things and all people I encounter. God is the grace, the wonder that allows me to see, to love, to feel. That sin can be structural (i.e. certain laws in our own country) and not just impure/lustful thoughts. That love extends all boundaries, that the Catholic Church is full of beauty and truth but that you don’t have to be Catholic to be “saved.” That Mary was human too. That worship is more than music, that journaling is not the only way to pray, that service and honesty and love for all is part of honoring and loving God. That I am small but God has a beautiful divine dream for my life. That God is in the whispers, the gentle force that awakens us to life. That grace guides me every moment, that things aren’t just random. That women are also called to be priests, just like everyone is called into the Body of Christ. That as I see more of the world the more questions I have, but Jesus is my anchor, my star, my guiding light. That God loves in miraculous and mysterious ways. That my questioning doesn’t make me less of a Christian. That today is a gift, every breath is a gift given to me by Love itself. That my beliefs will continue to change and evolve, but I know for sure that love is true, that God is love and that is True, that there is a capital-T Truth but that we may encounter/experience/realize it in different ways. That sitting here drinking coffee writing this, these words are inspired by the Holy Spirit, that the Holy Spirit is a guide and inner light within me, even in my brokenness. That to live is good and holy, that the meaning of life is not so hard as we might think, but to just live our lives in the present and be thankful and love each other and love God, that is the meaning of life. To love life more than the meaning of it. All else is extended grace.
That the sins we sin and mistakes we make are lessons and we can learn from them. That it’s impossible to not sin because we’re human, but through acknowledging the presence of God in all things we can sin a little less and have a little more peace in life. That sin is pride and less pride means less me and less me means more joy and room for love of others. That forgiveness is a real and impossible holy thing that we don’t deserve but that is bestowed upon us, and it is real and life-changing and so often we don’t accept or believe it but we should. That God does not trick or manipulate us, but God only wants us to have joy and love and be loved by God and so have the ability to love the Other, the rest we make up in our heads. That friendship is a necessity. That good conversations refresh weary souls and laughter with friends is another gift and God laughs with us too. That solitude is necessary as is taking time for oneself to talk with God and try to gain a little more understanding, though it is utterly impossible for us to know/understand God. That we are called to be like Jesus and therefore called to radically give of ourselves to the suffering ones in our midst.
That is all I really know, but I do think these things are true, but mostly I am just on a journey. I am grateful, and on this journey I only desire to seek truth, loving my siblings in Christ and knowing everyone is in Christ, that there is so much I don’t know but I’m willing to learn, that I am lost but also not lost because I am always found when I say Jesus, when I acknowledge the Holy Spirit within.
Life is very unpredictable but I am not afraid, or sometimes I am afraid but then I remember how I am made and that is in the image of God and that is a truth and then I am not so scared anymore. Really, all of this, these words, I cannot say are mine, but are the Holy Spirit working within. For I do not know much, but I do know love is real, and is the reason we are alive, and that is enough. I am grateful for today. I end with Amen, I believe, I believe, even though it is really hard sometimes, I believe.